10 reasons NOT to do Hot Yoga

Publié le 7 janvier 2012 par Hello Stéphanie

Like if you needed 10.

It could look as Sexy as that:

But most likely it will look like that:

1. It stinks.

No need to be Einstein to assume it will stink, but still, it has to be said. Imagine, 20-25 people in the same room, sweating like hell for NINETY (looong) minutes. That's a lot of water. And even though you are in Kitsilano, home of healthy-good looking people, some might had garlic at lunch, or too many beers the day before, who knows what they are exactly sweating out ... Maybe we don't want to know.
So, sweat. I don't speak about little drops running down your forehead. I speak Waterfalls. The worst part (besides sweating out garlic) is that once the class is over, there is about 15 minutes before another class starts... in the same room... Yep.

2. You need do wash your hair daily.
And if you have long thick hair like me, you might considere shaving your head just to avoid having to wash it all the time.

3. You need either to have lots of tiny yoga shirts or do laundry daily.
if sweat would be dry water, it would be SO more convenient. I don't wear tiny yoga shorts and I hate doing Laundry. Therefore, i quit Hot Yoga.

4. It's Stressful
If you thought (Bikram) Yoga was relaxing, you're completely wrong my friend. After 12 minutes of first class, i was ready to yell at the instructor: Shut the fuck UP. Please. Namaste.
Not only they speak NON STOP for 90 minutes, but they keep saying the SAME thing every SINGLE time you do the same posture. I mean, maybe i'm not good at memorizing things or listening sometimes, but i'm not THAT dumb. If you tell me one thing, most likely i will still remember it 2 minutes later. For the last month, i kept wondering HOW Yogi, people going there every single day, could handle it. I have no clue.

5. I'm not your ''friend''
But Not only ALL the instructors say the exact same thing, every single class, but they also won't spare all the Yoga crap such as:
''It hurt my soul'', ''You are what you do'' (WTF is that?!), ''You have to love yourself before loving others'' (Really?!)... Do I have to hear that when i'm just trying to reach my toes with my fingers or bend my back so much that i might fall? Do i need to listen to that while i'm sweating like a pig and thinking about the Pale Ale i'm gonna need after that ? I dunno...

So if you still want to try Bikram after that... read the following:

6. Nobody speaks.
Besides the instructor, who cracks a little joke once in a while (ha ha Ho ho), nobody speaks. Ever. Not before, not during, not after.

7. Nobody smiles.
Besides the instructor, who cracks a little joke once in a while, nobody smiles. Ever. Not before, not during, not after.

8. You need Yoga stuff (aka expensive stuff)

You don't only need a mat, but you need THE towel, not A towel. I have A towel, the same i use to go to the Beach in the summer, but i could notice people with really fancy towels. Mine was too large and too short (remind of someone by the way...). But these Yogi, they had THE perfect towel, just the same size as the mat. I wondered for 4 weeks where they had found this super-towel. I finally found out that it's a Yoga towel, with grip on one side, that your towel won't slide while you're doing the tree or the Cobra. Price of the magic towel : $60 + tax. Indeed.

9. Do you want une stroke?

I read today in the New York Times about all the back, neck, shoulders injuries happening because of over streching during Hot Yoga. No, you shouldn't be able to rotate your neck 90 degrees, unless you're a doll. And Barbie doesnt do Yoga.

10. What ?!

If you still need reasons, well, you are a lost cause. Or a real Vancouverite. Sorry about that. DO you want to speak like in this video?! Even though its a L.l.mon add, it's still very funny: Shit Yogis Say.

Namaste.